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FOLKESTONE/DOVER EARTHQUAKE APPEAL

An earthquake measuring 4.7 on the Richter scale hit Folkestone & Dover
in
the early hours of Saturday Its epicentre was in Folkestone. Victims
were
seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell". The tremor
decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.Several
priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa del Sol
were
damaged beyond repair.
Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were
woken well before their giros arrived.
Invicta FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and
bewildered
and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something
interesting had happened in Folkestone. One resident - Tracy Sharon
Smith, a
15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little
Chardonnay-Mercedes come running into my bedroom crying. My youngest
two,Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still
shakingwhen I was skinning up and watching Jeremey Kyle the next
morning."

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried
on as
normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates
of
Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found
large
quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery
from
Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most
sought
after - items most needed include Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Kappa
tracksuit tops (his and hers), Shell suits (female), White sport socks,
Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required
foodstuffs include: Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream,
Cans of
Colt 45 or Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.
£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.
£5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

***Breaking news***

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry
alco-pop.
'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked, "Aylesham" said the girl,
"wossit
gotta do wiv you?"

Please don't forward this to anyone living in Folkestone/ Dover - oh,
sod
it… they won't be able to read it anyway.

Very good it must have taken you all day to type that

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